The Neverending Story!

[mushu mama]

Anthony: But baby, what is that clicking noise? I think its coming from inside you.
Sandie: Oh God ... whatever is inside me just moved.

Keith: It sounds.... mechanical. How is that possible?

Anthony: You came back from the future you say? wait right there ... I have an idea....
(in an uncharacteristically deep voice) I'll be back....

[sandie]

Della: Anthony your voice seems to have finally cracked, Mum didn't think it ever would.

Greg: Mum? You two have the same Mum? Gross - I thought you were an item!

Della: You really are an idiot - he is so obviously smitten with Miss Bionicle in the Tummy over there.

Sandie: I really resent that Della - I will love my baby no matter what or who she is....

(There is a vaguely mechanical noise and Sandie turns pale)

Keith: Hold on lets recap:
Sandies Knocked Up., possibly by a transformer
Della and Athony are siblings
Greg has a large bottom
Anthonys voice just broke
and Lisa hasn't stopped readingh those damned scripts for the last
30 minutes

Anything good in there?

Lisa: Depends on what you think is good.....

[mushu mama]

BANG


A loud shot rang out somewhere in the distance...

Keith: Quick everyone ... inside the hatch... we can watch what's happening on the monitors.

Della: Oh no... How did Jess find us?.... I thought you scrambled our destination on the time machine Greg.

Greg: I did.

Sandie faints.
Anthony: Greg... Keith, help me get Sandie inside.. that thing growing inside her has sapped all her reserves.

Lisa: Everyone in?... good....

Lisa slams the door and bolts the hatch.

all but Sandie gather around the monitor to see what the next few minutes would bring...

Meanwhile Sandie sinks into delirium and starts talking in a language that none of those present recognised.

[sandie]

Sandie: shag furt yen wee, menh jum sue?

Keith: What

Anthony: Was

Lisa: That?

Della: That would be Jess. This won'tbe good.

Sandie starts rolling on the floor clutching her pulsating stomach.

Sandie: Huy Tres wak. huio mir te

Anthony: (sobbing) oh Sandie, my Sandie, please be alright

Keith: Della, better find some hot water, towels, scissors maybe a gun - I think we are about to be joined by something unexpected.

[KeithS]

Della returns, holding a rather large gun, towels and hot water

Anthony: why do we need towels and hot water?

Sandie: grof durgle schmert pilp, grildo on stue!

Anthony: Oh dear... [faints]

Keith: quickly now, mop Anthony's brow with those towels and hot water, we need to revive him...

Lisa: give me that gun...[Chuck-Chick]

Sandie: weezle leeeetly...

Lisa & Della: Arrggghhhhh

Keith: Oh wow...that's just too cool...

[sandie]

Sandie is on the ground moaning as something that looks just like a bionicle bred with a transformer exits her body in a rather gross way, drags itself across the floor and stops at Lisa's feet:

Thing: ma ma

[mushu mama]

Lisa: (lost for words - recovers enough to point back at Sandie).... Nope... thats Yo Mama.

Sandie: ( looking at her offspring with tears in her eyes - ignoring the blood gushing from the gaping hole in her stomach) Ohhhh...... its a boy. And I shall call him " Turbo".

Anthony : (whispers to Keith) Its a boy? how can you tell?

Keith: (whispering back to Anthony) It has a stick.

Della: She's lost a lot of blood, quick, we have to sew her up or she'll bleed to death and then we'll have to look after that ...that.... thing.

Greg: At least it'll fold up and we can put it in a box.

BAM BAM BAM....

Keith: Oh no... no one was watching the monitor.... They're here.

[KeithS]

Della: Who's here? Is it Jess and her minions?

Keith: No...worse...

Anthony: What can be worse than that?

BAM BAM BAM....

Lisa: Oh my...there is only one group that bangs incessantly on a front door like that...

The blood drains from Anthony and Della's faces

Greg: ...Mormons??

Keith: Nope.

Greg: ...Little kids selling raffle tickets?

Keith: Worse...

Sandie (moaning): Turbo, you've got to use Turbo...

Greg: Who are they?

Anthony and Della: Carolers!!!

Greg: But...its not even Christmas...is it?

Sandie: Turb...[she lapses into unconciousness]

[mushu mama]

Keith: Turbo? how on earth can we use Turbo to get rid of carolers?

Anthony: Sandie, Sandie, wake up. What does this have to do with Turbo?

Greg: maybe he can be hotwired or something so that he detonates like a time bomb.

Della: No... I don't think Sandie would like that much.. . Hmm... and maybe it will bring little Turbo's daddy here to seek revenge. Nope.. probably not the best plan.

Lisa: Ok, whose game to take a closer look at 'little Turbo'?
anyone?
Keith?
Anthony?
Sheesh... what is it with you big brave men.... Ok... I'll do it....
( Lisa takes a deep breath and edges closer to the spiky mechanical miniature sitting silent on the floor at his mothers side.)
touching it gingerly at first but then with more confidence when it didn't bite, Lisa picked up little turbo and flipped him over....
Lisa: cool.... just as I suspected.... a menu.... now... which is the 'transform' button?

[ajp]

[After a highly educated eeny meeny miney mo, Lisa chooses which button to press to kick Turbo into action]

Lisa: I think I'll choose ...
Greg: Be careful Lisa
Lisa: ... this one!

Lisa presses the green buton in the middle. At that point a blinding rainbow coloured flash erupted, spending sparks into the air, including a group shaped in Mickey's head ...

All: Oooh, aaah

Turbo now stands before the group.

Anthony: Wow, he must be at least 10 feet tall
Keith: Well not really Anthony, that's because you're short. He is still only about 6 feet.

Anthony clears his throat to prepare for the newly found deep voice and barks a command to Turbo

[KeithS]

Anthony: KILL ALL HUMANS!

All: No!

Anthony: Just kidding!

Anthony: TURBO - I want you to...

Turbo: SILENCE PITIFUL HUMAN

Lisa: Ooh...I like him already, he has Anthony's number!

Turbo (to Lisa): SILENCE PITIFUL HUMAN

Anthony: (snigger snigger)

Turbo begins to shake and shimmy and create some of the most ungodly noises ever heard - something that sounds like this : GWARP, SNURGGLE, FIZZLEBARP. There is a blast of bluish-greenish-pinkish-darkish-lightish light.

Abruptly, the sound ceased.

The light ceased.

The talking ceased...

...except for the amibient sounds which sounded suspiciously like those found in a bar...

Della (slightly disoriented): where are we?

Lisa: I think we are in a bar.

Greg: I can't see anything.

Sandie: I can, and I'm healed - errr...we are in a bar.

Keith: Carolers?

Sandie: Gone...but Turbo is here - as are all his brothers, or sisters, or something. And I see a big window...and through it I see...

All: What?

Sandie: The Earth...

[sandie]

Keith: Sandie what sort of spawn have you delivered upon us?

Lisa: Yeah its like the Omen crossed with ET

Anthony: It could be worse – it could be Omen crossed with Alien.

Della: Oh grow up the lot of you – life rarely, if ever, imitates art – we are obviously going to be crossing into a brave frontier, bravely going where no man has gone before, voyaging into the vast unmapped reaches of space, journeying ummp

(A turbo clone grasps Della’s shoulder and she slowly falls to the floor landing a Lisa’s feet. No one even notices when Lisa surreptisiously kicks Della in the ribs.)

Sandie: Please don’t hurt us – I am kind of family.

Turbo Clone: ( In a strange metallic voice) We will not hurt you or the other female types – you are perfect for breeding – you males however are on the way to work in our salt mines, unless you know of some way you can be used as incubators as well?

Anthony: Well you could always …..

Keith: Shut up Anthony we are not going to go down that path! We will toil in your salt mines you heartless metallic machine unless…..

Turbo Clone: Unless what? You worthless hunk of organic matter.

Keith: Unless you want to use us to take over the Universe?

[KeithS]

Many many Turbo Clones: Muahahahahaahahahaha!

Turbo Clone: You are a funny fellow - take over the universe! Hahaha - pitiful human man.

Greg: Way to go Keith...

Anthony: Yeah, way to go...

Turbo Clone: But we need funny fellows, so you are spared from the salt mines...for now.

The Guys: Yay!

Turbo Clone: Instead, you are hereby assigned to work in the all-male review, where you will provide entertainment for the females types - just like your Earthly Chippendale shows...

The Guys: muahahahahaha!!

The Girls: muahahahahaha!!

Lisa: You metallic heads know nothing about the Chippendales...Greg, Anthony and Keith?? Hahaha

Turbo Clone: ENOUGH - OFF TO THE AIRLOCKS WITH THE LOT OF YOU. I'M TIRED OF BEING THE TARGET OF YOUR LAUGHTER...

(And with that, our heroes are dragged from the room)

Della: Uh oh...

[sandie]

Sandie: Whats with the uh-oh Della? You are all about the uh-oh! uh-oh this - uh-oh that

Della: In this case uh-oh means - what do you think happens when people go into airlocks?

Sandie: They get air?

Lisa: Air locks? Are they like dread locks?

Della: How do you two even remember to breath? It means they will put them in a room, suck all teh air out and shoot them into space!

Lisa: No......

Sandie: Turbo wouldn't do that! TURBO? TURBO!!!!! Come to mama!

(Turbo re-eneters the room)

Sandie: Bring them back - you are not to shoot them into space.

Turbo: We are not going to shot them into space ... they are going to a happy place. And so are you!

(He grabs the girls and drags them off and through the ship until they are in the same room as the boys)

Turbo: Enjoy the pre-show!

[sandie]

(The room is filled with rows of seats. As the gang look around a voice intones:)

Voice: Please move all the way to the end of your chosen row, All seats have a great view, please remember no flash photography. Mueva por favor toda la manera al final de su fila elegida, todos los asientos tienen una gran visión, no recuerdan por favor ninguna fotografía de destello.

(They chose a row and sit down. The curtain at the front of the room opens, the lights dim and a movie begins to play)

Movie Voice: Over 100 years ago the greatest and most creative man of the galactic bionicle-former race was born. DisWalt. He started in simple 8th dimension animations before moving into fuuly sync 16th dimension immersive cinematic events. Finally after growing bored of places to take his younglings he invented a new version of what primitive races called theme parks. Now you are headed into a ship which will take you down where you will have 5 days to explore before we decide whether you have the intelligence to stay alive or whether you will become youngling fodder.......

(A door slides open and the gang enter a space ship)

Voice: Hello, I am C3P0, human-cyborg relations. Welcome aboard the StarSpeeder 3000. Please make sure your safety restraints are securely fastened at this time. To fasten, pull the strap out from the right side of the seat, and snap it into the console to your left. Galactic regulations require that all carry-on items be safely stowed beneath your seats. Oh, and flash photography and smoking are absolutely prohibited while on board. Thank you, and do have a nice flight!

Welcome aboard. Iam here from the cockpit. I know this is probably your first flight...and it's mine too...ha, ha. Well, it looks like it's going to be a smooth flight to Endor, so I'll go ahead and open the cockpit shield.

Della: uh-oh

Lisa and Sandie: enough with the uh-oh!

Keith: Uh-oh !!!!