The Neverending Story!

[mushu mama]

(meanwhile on the yellow MIC road)

Greg & Anthony: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ SNORT, SNORT.. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ SNORT SNOOOOOOORT... ZZZZZZZZZZZ DRIBBLE DRIBBLE, SNORT. FART.

Lisa: This is wrong. All wrong - and I don't just mean the noises coming from the two men wrapped in each others arms snoring. If I keep following in Sandie's footsteps, I'll get the blame for the carnage that she plans to leave in her wake on her road to World Domination.
I HAVE TO STOP HER!

If I can just stop her getting her hands on that vital component for her dastardly machine, I might yet save the world its horrible fate.

[mushu mama]

without a moments hesitation, Lisa strips off her Old Lady Millers Clothes, stands there in the moonlight, pondering the most appropriate attire for saving the world and then settles on a little blue t shirt and seriously short shorts. Bends over and straps on the tactical holsters to her thighs, pulls on her fingerless black gloves that had been in her little backpack. Pulling on her black boots and strapping her knife into the holster on her calf, there was only one thing left to do..... tie her long brown hair into a french braid and with a satisfying CHICK CHUCK of the two Desert Eagle pistols in her hot little hands, she vanished into the night bound for Cambodia to find and then destroy that precious cog that if obliterated from this world, would render Sandie's machine impotent .

[sandie]

(Lisa strolls purposefully down the road towards Vegas unaware that she is being watched)

Julie: Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo

Lisa: Stay calm its just an owl, just an owl, just an owl

Julie: You must be joking - what sort of agent would fall for such an idiotic bird impersonation. Hoo Hoo I'm an idiot agent Hoo Hoo and a big scaredy cat to boot Hoo Hoo look at me in my Daisy Duke shorts and Julia Roberts boots

Lisa: Do I know you - your face is not one I know but your voice is so familiar.

Julie: In a past life - not that long ago you knew me - we sat next to each other in the Behavioural Analysis Unit (BAU) before you joined the agency.

LIsa: Julie? Is it you? You look so different.

Julie: I had some surgery to make my new job possible.

Lisa: What is your new job?

Julie: We have been conducting a behavioural experiment for two years now - we knew 5 agents went missing and we finally found you two weeks ago in Stars Hollow. Its amazing what we found out.....

[KeithS]

Lisa: Yeah, well - I'm not really interested Julie - if that's your real name. I'm trying to save the world from domination by Sandie - I have to get to Cambodia, grab the ancient keystone cog-bolt, fight off the giant spiders, and any henchmen Sandie sends after me - I might even have to face off against Sandie herself, unless that encounter has been saved for the sequel... So, out of my way - my jet ski is awaiting me.

Julie: Wait Lisa - you are making a terrible mistake...

(Shortly after - in Vegas)

Della: It's been over two years - what happened? I'm waiting...

Keith: Well - we thought Sandie had been kidnapped, and Lisa shot a henchman, and Sandie escaped with Greg, though we didn't know it was Greg, then their helicopter crashed, I was eating caviar and cheese while Greg snacked on hallucinogenic bindis, Anthony raised the Vietnam incident with Lisa, and Sandie rescued us from our sinking raft, we ended up in Stars Hollow, and I became an episodic zombie, we were time travelled two years, and that is why you didn't get a call, and Greg apparently became the emperor of Stars Hollow, Sandie and I were working a show in Vegas as she built her world domination machine and fed me primrose oil, and then - you and Gerard arrived and rescued me. I don't know what's become of Lisa, Greg or Anthony.

Della: That's your worst excuse ever - you were having an affair!

Julie (stepping out of another shadow): No Della, I wish it was that simple. I've been searching for my agents for 2 years, I've pieced bits of their story together, following leads and rumours...I believe him.

Gerard: Where did you just come from?

Julie: I ran into Lisa. She was on the yellow brick road, heading towards Cambodia.

Keith: Cambodia? She must be after the keystone cog-bolt for Sandie's machine! She is so brave, we must help her!

Julie: No, we must stop her, this cannot come to pass.

Keith: Wait a sec, where are Anthony and Greg?

Julie: They're safe, they are snoozing off the drug I blow-gunned into their necks. Come on, time is wasting - we are going to Cambodia to stop Lisa.

[sandie]

Sandie: I am so glad I do not have an ethical problem with eaves dropping - otherwise I would have missed all that! I must teleport to Cambodia and set up some booby traps. Why didn't any of them remember I could teleport and that I will surely beat them.......in more ways than one!!!!!!!!

(In a flash of blinding light Sandie finds herself in Cambodia.)

Sandie: Ahh I have safely arrived - time for food!!!!

Wayne: Hello beautiful white lady who look like godess - you want to eat?

Sandie: Yes I do my fine fellow - what's good?

Wayne: Today we have Nim Chow, which has rice and bean sprouts wrapped in a rice wrapper and a peanut sauce, as well as deep fried chicken. It tastes like you put in 5 THOUSAND PEPPERS in it. It is really hot.

Sandie: Mmmm hot like me - give me a large bowl - extra water.

(Sandie eats, burps and cringes at the third degree burns her throat has now suffered.)

Sandie: Do you like running a restaurant?

Wayne: No, actually it sucks - I am sick of pretending to come from South East Asia. My wife Jennifer and I are assasins in hiding.

Sandie: Boy do I have a job for you! BY THE WAY WAS THAT BOTTLED WATER?

[mushu mama]

Wayne: [chuckling ] And Lisa told us you might be hard to get to drink that truth serum.....
But I knew that you'd not be able to resist the challenge of such a fiery dish, and once you had the 3rd degree burns you would surely need to quench that inferno in your throat. So we slipped some of the serum into your drink.....
Piece of cake really..

Sandie: [starting to feel the control slipping] NOOOOOOO! I won't tell you my plans. I swear I will die first....

Wayne: That can be arranged... hang on..... Jennifer, are you sure you put the blue serum in that water and not the red one?
[Wayne and Jennifer exchange a look of terror]
Jennifer: Oh... um..... you wanted the blue one?

[mushu mama]

Wayne: Hmmmm.... not sure Lisa wanted you dead.... well, before you confessed anyway.

Jennifer: [beginning to panic]ok.... the antidote is on the top shelf... but none of us are tall enough to reach it.... OMG.... we'll be next if we bungle this assignment..thats what got us here in the first place. And I'm so not making all these noodle things for the rest of my days.....

We have to do something.... Lisa will be here any minute - thanks to her top level security clearance, she can access that new teleporter-in-a-watch gadget that everyone in the MI6 is talking about.
Only she would be able to 'borrow' it at a moments notice.
[panic taking over completely ] Quick we have to reach that antidote somehow.......

[KeithS]

Wayne: Jennifer - you are a genius! The noodles - quick, throw as many as you can in the pot - hurry, we've only got 2.5 minutes before she dies, we should just make it!

[Bubble, bubble]

Jennifer: It's working, those super expanding two minute noodles are growing!

Wayne: Put a plank of wood over the pot, I'll stand on it!

[Amazingly, the plank of wood, carrying Wayne, begins to rise higher and higher, towards the top shelf, while a rapidly turning-purple Sandie looks on...]

Jennifer: Almost there Wayne.

Sandie: Gasp, gurgle, glugg, glug.

Jennifer: Left a little, up a little, left a little more. No, no - right a little - that's it!

Wayne: I got it! Quickly catch this bottle!

Jennifer: I got it, but I can't open it - my hands are slippery!

Sandie: Gurrrgglllllle

Wayne: Break it open.

[CRACK]

Jennifer: Drink up Sandie, there's a good girl!

[Sandie drinks the antidote, and a cunning smile twists her lips...]

[sandie]

(Sandie collapses to the floor feigning death)

Sandie: (In her head only so you reallly can't hear her!) I am obviously going to need to go alone in this - Lisa's reach pervades the world - there is only one constant - all the men are dumies!

(In an instance Sandie bends her body backwards and snaps herself up right. Her left leg comes spinning around and knocks Wayne out. As her right leg goes for Jennifer a bitter battle commences. Finally in the age old male fantasy Jennifer slips on the edge of the jelly pit and bangs her head. Sandie is victorious)

Sandie: I am the champion, I am the champion, I am the champion of the world - well actually Cambodia.

(She grabs a takeawy container of the feiry concoction and heads for the hills)

[KeithS]

[Meanwhile, on the Yellow Brick Road outside of Vegas]

Anthony and Greg: ZZZZzzZZZZzzzZZZZzzzZZZZZ

Keith [kicking Greg]: Wake up!!

Gerard: That looks like fun! [puts the boot into Anthony]

[Julie & Della look on as our two sleepy heroes are kicked awake from the drug-induced sleep]

Anthony: whawwhhaa what? huh?

Julie: Get up lazy maggots, we're off to Cambodia to prevent a misguided Lisa from thinking she is saving the world, and prevent Sandie who knows she is just being evil.

Greg: Ouch, my head hurts.

Della: Must have been the drugs Julie administered by blow-gun.

Julie: No - the drugs are painless, I think it was Keith - kicking him in the head.

Anthony: Why were we drugged?

Julie: No reason, except we were getting scenes with too many characters, so we needed you two out of the way for a while.

Della: So, how are we going to get to Cambodia?

Julie: That is the easy part. Here, put on these boarding school robes and follow me to that conveniently parked transit van. Keith, open the doors.

[Keith opens the rear doors of the conveniently parked transit van]

Greg: What the?

Della: Oh my...

Keith: Cool man...

Anthony: Broomsticks! Yay!

[mushu mama]

And what a sight they were.....

Because of the cutbacks in the bureau, the school robes were just that.... school kid sized. There were definitely some wardrobe malfunctions going on in that deserted street.

All the men were having length issues..... shirt buttons were strained and collars were causing breathing difficulties.

Della: [commanding her broom] [FORCEFULLY] UP!
(the broom flies into Della's hands effortlessly)

Anthony and Greg : [imploring the brooms desperately to rise] Up... ... up.... please.. up....

(the brooms do a little jerk and then stay stationary - they exchange frustrated looks)

Keith: [making his first attempt and expecting nothing] Um.... up...?
(The broom rises halfway and his face lights up with glee... only to fall along with the broom)

Julie and Gerard have no problem making their brooms cooperate, and continued to smirk until the attempts are finally met with success all round and after a good half hour, they were all airborne bound for Cambodia.....

[KeithS]

Wayne [groggily getting to his feet]: What happened?

Jennifer [groggily making her way out of the jelly pit]: Ooooh ouch.

[A noise comes from the roof of their Cambodian food hut - a noise strangely similar to that made by a very fit, athletic woman with long braided hair landing on it after para-gliding from the coast where she had abandoned her jetski]

Wayne: That's gotta be Lisa - we'll be in trouble now for failing to catch Sandie.

[Lisa strides in, glistening with seawater, Desert Eagle pistols strapped safely to her thighs]

Lisa: She's gone? [Wayne nods, Lisa looks around] She took the chili? [Wayne nods again] Excellent.

[Lisa rummages through her backpack, pulls out her infra-red headset - locks the eyepieces in postion, and heads toward the back door]

Lisa [turning to Wayne and Jennifer]: Well done team, that went better than I expected. [And with that, she took off after Sandie]

[sandie]

Meanwhile in some desolate Cambodian marsh:

Sandie: Why did I start on this quest - I know everyone at the Agency thinks I am some demented time trvelling freak with a World Domination fetish. I only wish they understood that what I am doing is for the greater good. Ever since I found this diary of Lisa's I knew we were in for trouble. Of course none of teh men will believe me except Anthony - she has worked her way through teh entire agency if you know what I mean.


(Sandie starts to read the diary........)

[sandie]

Dear Diary (Sandie reads in Lisa affected and fact posh voice)

Ever since I broke Gregs heart with my unwholesome tryst with Keith which was closely followed by my dalliance with Gerard - come to thnk of it Anthony was teh only one to turn me down - him and his unholy devotion to that incredibly smart and good looking Sandie. I digress....

Ever since I broke Gregs heart I have known that I am deserving of a greater place in the world, I want to lead the masses to the end of teh earth and watch them all jump off the edge at my command. I want to control the riches of the nations and the wealth of the few who currently squirrel it away in dark dank safe places.

I want to unleash my power on the submissives of the world and I want to destroy Sandie. Eventually the rest of my team will work out that she is the chosen one, the special one.

I must use my charms and womanly skills to lure GReg back to me and make him ensnare Sandie in a web of deciet. If the two of them look like they are trying to rule the owrld it will take the pressure off me and hopefully someone will pop the snotty little cow in the process - Sandie not Gregsy.

If I can only get her to my lair in Cambodia all will work out - just wait and see.

Oh evil me.

[KeithS]

[Meanwhile - 1000 and a bit feet up, 6 figures on broomsticks head towards a landing in the Cambodian jungle]

Della: Yeehaaa! Look at me - a loop the loop!

Gerard: Woohooo! An Immelmann turn!

Keith: aarrghhhhhh, I've got cramp.

Anthony: I'm miserable - I don't want to see a broomstick for the rest of my days...

Greg: I'm gonna die!!

[Julie maintains her dignity as is befitting of her position within the agency, in fact, she looks with disdain at her fellow agents...]

Julie: Come on team, the forbidden temple is below, that's is where we'll find Sandie and Lisa.

Della, Gerard and Julie make graceful landings in the clearing beside the temple. Keith, Anthony and Greg crash horrifically into trees, a murky swamp, and a gravel pit. There are no serious injuries...

Julie: Look here, peanut sauce, deep fried chicken, rice paper and bean sprouts - Nim Chow.

Anthony: That's Sandie's favourite!! She's alive, oh Sandie, Sandie, Sandie!

Julie: Wait, there's more, look over here...chocolate...

Della, Keith, Greg, Anthony and Gerard together: That's Lisa!

Julie: Hmmm, and infra-red goggles here too. Lisa was tracking Sandie's heat from the chili. Come on team, off with your robes, and follow me. Pray that we are not too late. I fear we are close to armageddon...

Julie leads our adventures towards the opening of the Forbidden Temple, recklessly entering the portal only to find...